What makes a healthy co-parenting relationship? That is a good question. Parents who are raising children together but are not in a personal relationship with each other have a difficult job. They have to find a way to work together and raise healthy children, even when they do not have the best relationship between the two of them or see eye to eye on several topics.
There will be times that these parents will disagree and argue about how situations should be handled. There will be times when they will want to have their children for an event or family get together during the other parent’s time with the child. There are times when they will be angry with each other and times when they will be hurt. How do they co-parent in a healthy way when all the strong feelings from their situation arise?
There are 3 steps I have found to help me make the best co-parenting decisions for my kids.
- Do NOT make decisions when I am ANGRY or emotional in any way.
- Always take time to calm down and think things through. Go somewhere that relaxes you, or give yourself a time out to breath. Decisions made when angry or upset in any way, tend to be rash and emotional decisions. Emotional and rash decisions do not help your children be happy and are most of the time selfish.
- Ask myself a series of questions.
- These questions help me decide what is really best for my children. The questions are:
- Does this benefit my kids?
- How will this affect my kids?
- In a week will this matter?
- Is it something I am capable of doing emotionally and making it a positive experience for my kids?
- What is best for my family?
- If you notice, most of these questions do not focus on me, but on my children. They are what is most important and good co-parents are able to put their feelings towards each other aside and put their children first. The one question that does not focus solely on my children is about what I am capable of doing emotionally. I do not want to agree to go do something that involves my children’s dad if I am just going to be making everyone around me miserable. I need the activities I agree to go do with my children to be positive ones.
- These questions help me decide what is really best for my children. The questions are:
- When I am having a disagreement to respond through text or email.
- This allows me to write my response out and then reread it to make sure it is worded in the most productive way possible. I can also make sure that I leave the strong emotions out of it and even have someone proofread it for me.
When I have to communicate with my ex concerning my children and emotions become involved, I try to follow these three steps to make the best decision possible for my children. After all the children and their needs and well being are what is most important between me and their father. Is this always easy? NO! Am I always able to do it? NO! Am I human just like everyone else? YES! But when I am able to follow these steps, it always turns out better for me and especially for my children.
I do not always agree with my ex and I do not always approve of everything he does, but you have to pick and choose your battles. These questions help me choose which situations or battles need to be discussed and which situations I need to let go. They also help me handle situations that need to be addressed better.
This is what co-parenting is all about. Putting your children first and making decisions that best benefit the children involved. So next time you have a conflict with your children’s other parent, stop, take a breath, and take some steps that help you handle the situation in the best way possible. Your steps may be different than mine, and that is okay, as long as they help you. So make your list to help you be the best co-parent you can be.
