Are you dreading that time apart from your little ones? Every Time it’s their other parent’s time do you cry, get sad and depressed, or get angry? These are normal feelings every parent that shares custody goes through. Does it go away with time, no. Does it get better and do you learn to handle it, yes.
Whether your kids go to their other parent’s place half the time or only every other weekend. That time apart is hard. Then when they leave for Summer vacations or breaks and are gone for multiple days in a row, it is even harder. It can be so difficult to get through that time. You miss them so much. I have found ways that help me get through this time.
I was a stay at home mom for the first seven years of my daughter’s life and first five years of my son’s life. Unless they were at school, my kids were with me. I could count on one hand the number of times they had been apart from me overnight. They were my world, and I lived to be their mom. I had always wanted to be a mom, it was the life I wanted. Then everything changed.
Their dad and I separated and divorced. I now had to share my kids’ time with another household. I remember the first time they slept over at their dad’s place for a night. It was so hard to say goodbye and leave them, even for just that one night. I hated the feeling of not knowing what was going on in my children’s life. If they ate a good dinner, or brushed their teeth. If they were going to sleep okay, or if they were scared. I couldn’t hug and kiss them that night, which broke my heart.
All the things I was used to doing for them and helping them with, I could not do that night. It was a sad, lonely, long night for me. The night passed though, and they came home. The nights apart always pass and they always come back home to me. Knowing that does help and brings some comfort, but doesn’t make the sadness go away.
I learned something from our time apart though. I learned how to enjoy time by myself. By getting to know myself again and what makes me who I am, outside of being a mom. I started doing things that I enjoyed doing, like painting and crafts. I became a better and stronger me. Which helped me become a better and stronger mom when I did have my kids. My life became more fulfilled in all areas.
Doing these activities also helped the time pass. Keeping myself busy doing things that I enjoy helps make the time go by without you watching the clock. The first Father’s Day weekend after I separated from my ex was the first time my kids left for the whole weekend. I was dredging that weekend so much. It seemed like such a long time. I found a painting project to do though that I was excited about doing. The painting took me several hours to do. I had saved the project to do the last day of the week and as I was finishing the painting my kids walked in the door. I didn’t even notice what time it was. It was a fun distraction that I loved doing and now have a beautiful rose painting in my room.
It’s been a few years now and I still miss my kids when they are away. Their empty beds when they are with their dad, still make me sad. I still worry if they are eating and sleeping well. They are always on my mind and in my heart no matter if they are with me or with their dad. But I have learned that our time apart can be beneficial for me and I can enjoy it. It doesn’t mean that I am a bad mom because I am not miserable while they are gone. It just means that I have learned to do something positive with my time. You can still miss your kids and wish they were with you, while having a good time doing something you enjoy.
The nights when I miss my little ones and want a hug from them always pass, and they always come back home. Now they come back home to a mom that is mentally rested and ready to give them my all. Is it an ideal situation that everyone should hope for, no. It is the situation that I have though, so I make the best of it. Do not focus on the negative, because it will only bring you down. Focus on the good, no matter how small it seems. It will help you make it through the time apart. So go rediscover yourself and find something you enjoy doing to pass the time until your little ones come back home to you.
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